Queen of the "one-uppers"

Not only is my wife a fantastic mother to our children and the best thing to ever happen to me, she is also a "one-upper". Better still she is the queen of the "one-uppers".

Case in point: The other day, after walking the pooch, I was down laying on the couch with Sam. The queen came down and said that Sam looked really worn out. I said "you should have seen him five minutes before. He was so hyper, the little #@%$ jumped on my stomach and bit me in the boob". Her reply "well, when I was a little girl I got bit in the boob by an ostrich".

How do you compete with this!